Out Of Balance

My son is sick. He is being very dramatic about it, too, whining and flopping on chairs instead of standing up, sniffling loudly and moaning about how much his head hurts. I think I’m getting his cold, and I want to declare how icky and tired I feel too.


What is interesting to me is how bad we feel because our bodies are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. The symptoms we have are there because our bodies are fighting off infection, and the runny nose, fever, and cough are there to get the invaders out of the body or burn them to death. Our bodies feel out of whack because there has been an extreme test that requires an extreme reaction before we reset to normal.

It’s an odd perspective to say we feel icky because everything is going right. It sure feels like something is terribly wrong – and I suppose the invading germs are wrong – but our bodies reactions are exactly right.

What if this were a metaphor? Is there another place where things are out of balance and feel wrong? I’m tempted to say that the current political climate feels terrible because a poison has been introduced – hate, intolerance, injustice, etc. – and the tumult that is resulting – protests, marches, lawsuits, rioting, etc. – is the body politic’s response to the disease. It is absolutely the right thing to happen, and should happen more, to drive the poison out of our system. Even thought things feel scary and dangerous, it’s more dangerous not to fight back.

Each of us is our own white blood cell attacking intolerance in our own environment. Each of us has the option to speak up when we see injustice in action. We are stronger when there are more of us. No one can do our job for us – we are an army of individuals addressing what we see as we see it.

Sometimes we will get things wrong. Some of us might interpret others actions incorrectly, or through fear-tinted lenses, and attack the wrong people. Other times we might not be as aggressive as we should be because we fear for our own safety or we don’t know what to do or say. At times we will just sit down and give up because it all feels so uncomfortable and out of whack. We may complain more than we act. All of that is normal, and human, and forgivable, as long as we get back into the fight.

The health of the entire nation is at risk, here. It’s not just the immigrants, or people of color, or Muslims, or whatever other group has been targeted. The culture of fear and hatred this poison is spreading will harm all of us. We can’t pretend not to be affected, even if we are not the group being targeted for prison or deportation. All of us need to fight to the best of our abilities for compassion, tolerance, kindness, compromise, mediation, coming together, helping each other, finding ways to live together in peace and justice. Isn’t that the American way?


Power And Force

I was out of town when the Charlottesville events happened last week. I have been spending some time processing what has happened, and I have something to say.

Most of my writing assumes good will on everyone’s part, but cluelessness at times. That is, I don’t think people want to oppress others, and that they do want to know if they are doing something that keeps others from speaking up. Sometimes, however, people are very explicit in how they try to keep others down. Right now, white men are marching with torches claiming they are superior, they won’t be replaced by any minority (Jews, people of color, women, immigrants, Muslims, etc.) – and they are using violence to intimidate people into letting them have their way.

We also have a president who advocates violence and bigotry, and this is allowing people to speak up about their own bigotry in ways they had to hide in the past. What the person at the top says makes a difference all the way down the line.

I think that all of the racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, etc, is about power. There are some white men who are afraid of losing power to people they think are beneath them, and they will do anything to keep their power. They will kill, and threaten, and beat up, and elect powerful people who think the way they do.

These people seem to think that power is a zero sum game. That is, there is a finite amount, and if someone else gets more, that means they get less. They also view the world in a very hierarchical way – everyone is either one-up or one-down from others. I don’t agree with this world view. I think that everyone is equal, no one is better or worse than anyone else, and that everyone can hold personal power without taking away from anyone else’s power. However, power is not the same as force. That power is personal power to speak our own truths. It is power to bring multiple points of view into the world and work out how they can coexist. It is power to build, not destroy, and to understand, not suppress.

I’m disturbed by the number of people who have forgotten what every kindergarten teacher tries to impart – we are all in this world together, we need to share, we need to help each other, we are all worthy of love and attention, and we all need to let other people have love and attention too. There is enough love and attention for everyone. We don’t need to take it away from others to get it for ourselves. No one always gets their own way. We need to compromise to be able to live together. Force just makes people angry and resentful. Hate begets hate – and help begets help.

I think the world is stronger with everyone’s viewpoints in it. I think the world is better when more people are able to be fully present and alive and seen and heard and valued. I will fight bigotry and hatred with love and compassion, and continue to insist that every voice must be heard. Together, we are stronger.


Finding Your Tribe

I was thinking the other day how good it feels to find your tribe. It’s like stepping into a hot tub, you can relax and feel supported and comfortable. You don’t have to make excuses or be brave just to show up.


It’s hard to be the only one like you in a place. The only Muslim, or Jew, or gay person, or transgendered person. The only brown skin, the only gray hair, the only tattooed skin. The only Dodgers fan in Giants territory. The only Democrat, or Republican, or hippie, or Wiccan, or devotee of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It can feel dangerous. It’s so much easier not to make waves, not to speak up, not to have everyone around you be against you.

And when you find your tribe, the people who are like you, and who accept you the way you are, and think the way you do, it’s so relaxing! You don’t have to be on your guard all the time. You can be more of who you are.

I think there’s a huge value in finding your tribe. It allows people to grow into themselves, to get the support they need to be authentically who they are. And, there’s a danger to it. Our country is very divided right now, because people don’t see the humanity and value of those who are in different tribes.

One of the unique experiences of living on campus in college was having long discussions in the dorm hallways about different points of view. Here were people I lived with, and respected, with beliefs that challenged mine. I had to figure out what I thought, separate from what I had been taught. I learned to agree to disagree, and I sometimes changed my mind. As an adult I mostly don’t have these late night discussions, unaided by alcohol, with people I might not choose to befriend and who might have totally different viewpoints than mine. But those conversations are very valuable. They teach us that the other person isn’t a Republican Asshat or a LibTard, the other person is a person who shares at least some of the same values I do.

So, maybe what we need is more town hall meetings, with no alcohol, where people can speak up about who they are and what they believe, in polite and respectful terms. Where we can hear other points of view than the ones we see in our social media stream. And where we feel safe enough to speak up, even if we are the only one that holds a given viewpoint. Maybe I should run one, myself. Would you want to come, if I did?