Self Worth is Not a Competition

I’ve been thinking about beauty magazine standards of beauty. Specifically, the idea that if I put on my makeup like this, and do my hair like that, and spend a lot of money on clothes, then when I get to the party ALL EYES WILL BE ON ME.

When I actually get to the party, everyone looks great. No one looks at me more than they look at anyone else. If my standard is to have all eyes on me, I will NEVER reach it. (Unless I do something incredibly inappropriate, and that’s not how I want the attention.) Seriously, is that a goal we want anyone to have? Doesn’t that just set us all up for disappointment and feeling like a failure?  Doesn’t that pit us all against each other? I didn’t make a splash with my hair and makeup, no one is begging for my number because I’m wearing a new dress, I must have done it wrong, what else do I need to buy or spend my energy doing to get every eye on me next time? Who do I need to tear down to make people want me instead?

What if, instead, we think about doing makeup if it makes us feel good, hair that makes us feel good, clothes that make us feel good? When we get to the party, do we feel confident? sexy? comfortable? smart?  We don’t need to be more beautiful than anyone else to be beautiful. We don’t need to turn everyone’s heads to be fun to talk to, or dance with, or play games with. We have so much more to ourselves than how we look; if the only standard that matters is to be more beautiful than anyone else by such a margin that we attract everyone’s eye, we will never develop the rest of our amazing attributes.  Instead, we will forever chase an impossible goal, spend too much money on beauty products, and waste our energy cutting each other down. Just think of all the money, energy, and collaboration that we’d have if we liked ourselves the way we are, supported each other, and had as our goal at a party to meet someone interesting and have an interesting conversation, rather than to turn everyone’s heads.

Will you join me in a revolution? A revolution of liking ourselves the way we are? Of not tearing anyone else down so we can be on top, but instead knowing there is room enough for all of our lights to shine? You are beautiful, and I am beautiful, and she is beautiful. Our beauty is partly how we look, partly how we act, partly how we love. We don’t need to turn heads to be worthy.